Borderline Personality Disorder
What does it mean to have a borderline personality?
Tough question. Most of the research out there is honestly discouraging. For many of us, like with other diagnoses such as Bipolar Disorder and PTSD, its hard to decide if we really fit the description or have just been mislabeled. For others of us its pretty obvious. There are people out there that say it's impossible to treat a personality disorder and few of the websites or professionals really offer help. But at GoVa Counseling we know that we all have challenges and overcoming our feelings is no small feat. And ultimately we also know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for everyone if we're willing to work at it.
A lot of people have been mislabeled by a diagnosis like Borderline Personality Disorder...
Who doesn't have difficulties coping when they're about to be abandoned or rejected? And, in fact, a lot of us are lonely and don't feel good about ourselves. Just because we're confused and feel crazy at times doesn't mean we've got a personality disorder. It happens to everyone. And although its true that some of us feel crazy a lot more than others, none of us "want" to feel this way.
At GoVa Counseling we know that no one wakes up in the morning and says, "Yes! Another morning where I get to wake up with knots in my stomach, knowing that at any given moment my whole world can, and most likely will, come crashing down and I'll go down with it. Great! Just what I was looking forward to!" Nah, doesn't happen. Not even for the craziest of us. But if you've ever felt that way before you realize just how little people understand what you're going through. And you realize just how ready they are to point out how poorly you're handling things and how crazy you appear.
It's not easy to explain. One minute you're in love and so stoked on life, driving gleefully in your car, singing to the world over the stereo, the next minute you're ready to drive yourself right into a tree, hoping everyone will feel bad when they hear of your tragic death.
You see, when you're borderline, or have those traits, people and relationships seem so impermanent. You feel like you'll die if someone stops loving you and you don't trust people to not walk away, no matter how committed they seem or how secure your relationship is. So you panic and get desperate. You'll do crazy things because you figure your world is going to blow up anyway, so why not just make it happen?!
...but then just when you're ready to pull the trigger you have a moment of sanity and realize that maybe that's not what you want, that you don't want to die or destroy everything around you, and that you do think things could work out after all. The problem is that just when you reach this point you also realize just how vulnerable you are and how foolish your hopes may be, and "Bam!" your back into destruct mode. The reality is that it's all so confusing and we feel so crazy that we don't expect anyone to possibly understand us, and that only makes us want to climb in a hole and give up.
Are You Prone To...?
So people with borderline personalities, are more prone to cheating in relationships, engaging in self-harming behaviors (cutting, excessive drinking, etc), and having equally strong, secret hopes of being loved and discovered as not believing that it will ever happen and wanting to give up everything. We may change our sexual orientations many times trying to find that perfect connection and consider suicide as a viable exit strategy when things are going wrong. We never feel like anyone understands us and we don't often even understand ourselves. In fact, a lot of times it's hard just to get through the day and we'll say or do practically anything in a moment's notice if it feels like it'll save us from more misery, even when we know it's a terrible idea. We do it because we're hopeless and desperate.
So if any of this fits you or someone you know, relax, it doesn't mean you're crazy, and even if you are, at GoVa Counseling we're Ok with that! We understand. So don't give up. Come in and talk to us. We're here because we care and if you stick with us, we'll help you get back on your feet, in control of your emotions, and feeling safe and secure in who you are and the relationships you're in! We're committed to you because we know that your life is worth living, and that no matter how "borderline" you may feel at times, you deserve to enjoy your life and trust the relationships you're in! We know that more than anyone and we're committed to getting you there.